The term “narcissist” may refer to someone with a narcissistic personality disorder or simply someone who exhibits a pattern of selfish, manipulative, and harmful behavior towards others. Divorce is rarely easy. However, when you are divorcing a narcissist or someone displaying narcissistic behaviors, the process can seem unbearable. Fortunately, there are resources and techniques that may help you get through a high-conflict divorce or stressful co-parenting relationship with a narcissist. One of these techniques is called the “grey rock” method.

Divorcing a Narcissist

Understandably, every divorce has some degree of contention. However, some divorcing spouses go out of their way to make the process as antagonistic as possible. They refuse to cooperate with even the smallest requests and say things to intentionally upset the other spouse. They may try to hide assets or lie about finances. Sometimes this behavior even escalates to abuse.

There is no perfect way to deal with a situation like this. Working with a strong divorce lawyer who will stand up for your rights is the first step. Your attorney will represent your best interests and advocate on your behalf. Additionally, you can try using the “grey rock method.”

How to Use the Grey Rock Method to Deal with a Narcissist

If you are divorcing someone who is manipulative, offensive, narcissistic, or aggressive, you may benefit from using the grey rock method. People like this often feed on conflict and drama. They do and say anything to get a rise out of the other person. When you use the grey rock method, you become just like a grey rock: non-reactive and boring. If the person says something upsetting or offensive, you do not get emotional and react to it. You communicate only need-to-know information or communicate through your lawyers. You use written communication such as text messages or emails to eliminate the chances of in-person conflict. Using written communication is also a great way to keep records of what was said. These records may be useful during your divorce and any future child custody proceedings or post-divorce modifications.

Of course, there is no way to eliminate the stress and frustration of divorcing a narcissist completely. However, the grey rock technique may help you keep your cool and avoid doing or saying things that negatively affect the divorce’s outcome.

Contact a Joliet Divorce Lawyer

High-conflict divorce comes with additional challenges. The Plainfield family law attorneys at Law Offices of Tedone and Morton, P.C. understand how to meet these challenges and provide the legal representation you need. Call our office at 815-666-1285 today for a free, confidential consultation.

Source:

https://www.healthline.com/health/grey-rock#know-when-to-use-it

Adopting a child is one of the most significant decisions you will ever make. Consequently, the need for sincere contemplation about this decision can hardly be overstated. Some people choose to adopt a child because they want to give a parentless child a chance at a loving home. Others adopt because fertility issues make biological children impossible. Some families adopt a family member such as a niece, nephew, or grandchild. Whatever type of adoption you are seeking, it is important to ask yourself some serious questions.

Why Do I Want to Adopt?

One of the most important questions to ask yourself is, “Why do I want to adopt a child?” Your answer to this question can help guide you toward the type of adoption that is right for you. The reasons for adoption are as varied as the children being adopted.

Does the Child’s Age Matter?

Many people want to adopt an infant. This allows them to raise the child as their own from the very beginning of the child’s life. However, thousands of children and teenagers are also waiting for a family. The Illinois Department of Children & Family Services (DCFS) places neglected, abused, and abandoned children in foster homes while they wait to be adopted. Many of these children dream of a “forever home.”

A crucial component of any Illinois divorce is dividing the spouses’ assets and debts. For many couples, the assets division process initially seems straightforward. However, the process often becomes much more complex than spouses expect. Tax implications, commingled assets, property with fluctuating value, and other complications can make property division one of the most challenging aspects of divorce. Furthermore, the consequences of property division can have a major impact on the parties for years or even decades after the split. If you are planning to divorce, make sure to be aware of common mistakes during the property division process and how to avoid falling victim to the same missteps.

Miscalculating the Value of Your Assets

Spouses who can divide property through an out-of-court agreement can save money and stress. However, when you make your own decisions about who gets what in the divorce, miscalculating the value of the assets can lead to a grossly uneven split. For example, you may decide to simply split your retirement funds 50/50 with your spouse only to suffer an early withdrawal penalty that reduces the value of the retirement asset. You may fight to keep the vacation home or only to realize years later that you cannot afford the home’s upkeep. You must also consider the tax consequences of any property you retain.

Assets with fluctuating values can also complicate the process. Cryptocurrency is becoming increasingly relevant in divorce proceedings. Because digital currency can vary dramatically in value from day to day, you must decide how to account for this fluctuating value during asset division. Stocks, stock options, and other investments with variable value can be nearly impossible to properly value without an expert opinion.

Failing to Negotiate a Fair Settlement

Negotiating a divorce settlement takes time, patience, and a deep understanding of what you own and what you owe. The key is finding the balance between letting your spouse walk all over you and being too stubborn. By refusing to compromise, you can drag out the divorce process and cost yourself money in legal fees. However, you do not want to go to the other extreme and give your spouse everything he or she wants. An experienced divorce lawyer can help tremendously in this aspect.

Failing to Disclose All of Your Assets and Debts

During your divorce, you will be asked to list all of your assets and debts. Do not assume that you can get away with neglecting to disclose all of your property. Evidence of these so-called “hidden assets” may lurk in your tax returns, loan applications, bank statements, and other financial records. Not only is hiding assets in a divorce a sure way to make the divorce more contentious, it is also against the law.

Contact a Joliet Divorce Lawyer for Help

The best way to ensure you do not make major mistakes during your divorce is to work with an experienced divorce lawyer. Call the Plainfield, Illinois divorce attorneys at Law Offices of Tedone and Morton, P.C. for help. Call 815-666-1285 for a free, confidential case assessment today.

Sources:

https://www.cnbc.com/2020/12/10/avoid-these-mistakes-when-splitting-assets-in-a-divorce.html

https://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/documents/075000050k503.htm

Originally Posted June 8, 2016 - Updated 11-9-2021

Spousal maintenance or alimony offers a lesser-earning spouse the financial support they need after a divorce. However, Illinois laws regarding spousal maintenance have changed in the last few years. If you or your spouse are interested in pursuing a spousal maintenance award during your divorce, it is important to know how these legislative changes can impact your case. 

If spousal maintenance is awarded by the court, the amount of maintenance a spouse may receive is now calculated using the sposues’ net incomes. Gross income is no longer used by the court when deciding the amount of maintenance a spouse receives. 

Furthermore, alimony in Illinois is no longer tax deductible for the paying spouse. The recipient spouse cannot count alimony payments as taxable income. 

When determining maintenance awards, courts typically use a statutory formula. In 2021, courts may deviate from this formula if the couple makes more than $500,000 a year.

Spousal maintenance can be complicated and confusing. Contact a skilled Joliet divorce lawyer from Law Offices of Tedone and Morton, P.C. for help.

In the original stage version of The Odd Couple, Oscar Madison's alimony obligation is used to provide character background and to solidify the notion that he was divorced. While Neil Simon's play about vastly different roommates is now more than 50 years old, many people still assume that alimony, currently called spousal maintenance under Illinois law, is virtually an automatic part of the divorce process. In today's world, however, such an assumption is no longer true.

The Purpose of Spousal Maintenance

The original concept of maintenance is a product of a previous era in which men were the primary wage-earners in their families and women, by and large, stayed home to manage the house and children. There were always exceptions, to be sure, but the social expectations were very real. Thus, if and when a divorce was necessary, the wife would often be left without a way to support herself. In such cases, alimony was usually found to be appropriate to help keep the woman—and often the couple's children—afloat financially. There were enough such situations that alimony quickly became almost an expectation following a divorce.

Need-Based Maintenance Awards

Under current Illinois law, spousal maintenance is not presumed to be appropriate in every situation. Family situations today look much different than they did in previous generations, with spouses contributing to household finances more equitably than ever before, and other responsibilities shared more evenly. This also means that there no real way to create a legal standard that would apply to all of the various possible scenarios.

The Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act provides that spousal maintenance is to be considered on a case-by-case basis, assuming there is no valid agreement regarding maintenance between the parties. Maintenance will only be awarded if the court determines there is a need for such support, based on a number of factors including, but not limited to:

• The income and needs of each spouse;
• The portion of the marital estate being allocated to each spouse;
• Each spouse's age, health, and employability;
• The ability of the spouse seeking maintenance to become self-sufficient;
• The contributions of each spouse to the other's career or income potential; and
• The length of the marriage and the standard of living established.

When maintenance is appropriate, there is a formula in the law to be used in most cases. The court retains the discretion to deviate from the statutory formula depending on the circumstances of the marriage and divorce.

We Can Help

If you are considering a divorce and have questions about receiving spousal maintenance, contact an experienced Joliet family law attorney. At the Law Offices of Tedone and Morton, P.C., we will help you understand your options and responsibilities under the law. Schedule your free initial consultation today.

Source:

http://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/ilcs4.asp?DocName=075000050HPt%2E+V&ActID=2086&ChapterID=0&SeqStart=6100000&SeqEnd=8350000

Source:

https://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/fulltext.asp?DocName=075000050K504

Divorcing couples often struggle to see eye-to-eye. However, some divorce cases are especially wrought with conflict. If this describes your situation, you may be worried about how you and your soon-to-be-ex will handle child custody issues. Some divorced parents are able to continue a close relationship and even attend holidays and vacations together, this is nearly impossible in a high-conflict divorce. One option some parents find useful is a method called “parallel parenting.” In a parallel parenting scenario, each parent handles parenting obligations with little input from the other parent. Communication between the parents is limited and each parent’s independence is prioritized over collaboration.

Parallel Parenting Minimizes Contact Between the Parents

Multiple studies show that parental conflict has a major impact on kids. This is true even if the parents are divorced and living separately. If you are in a high-conflict divorce or soon will be, parallel parenting may be the best way to minimize hostility between you and the other parent. In a parallel parenting situation, parents rarely communicate with each other. When they do communicate, they do so through text messages or email.

A Strong Parenting Plan is Key

Parallel parenting only works when both parents understand their rights and obligations. This means that you will need to have a comprehensive parenting plan involving a detailed parenting time schedule. Remember to include provisions describing how you will handle holidays, school vacations, birthdays, and other special occasions. Include exhaustive information about how and when you can change the parenting time schedule or allocation of parental responsibilities.   

Consider Using Temporary Relief Orders

The time between a couple deciding to divorce and the completion of the divorce can be months or years. High-conflict divorce cases are often especially lengthy. Consider petitioning the court for a temporary relief order that defines parenting time and parental responsibilities during the divorce. This will ensure that you and the other parent understand exactly what is expected of you. Furthermore, a temporary relief order protects your rights. You may also want a temporary order for child support. An experienced family law attorney can discuss your situation with you and help you determine which temporary relief orders may be appropriate for your situation.

Contact a Plainfield Family Law Attorney

If you are a parent planning to divorce, contact the skilled Joliet divorce lawyers at Law Offices of Tedone and Morton, P.C. for help. Our team understands the challenges involved with a high-conflict divorce involving parents. We can help you formulate a plan to minimize conflict and prioritize your children’s wellbeing. Call 815-666-1285 today for a free consultation.

Sources:

https://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/documents/075000050k501.htm

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201309/parallel-parenting-after-divorce