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The Grey Rock Technique: A Method to Use When Divorcing a Narcissist

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Joliet Divorce Attorneys

The term “narcissist” may refer to someone with a narcissistic personality disorder or simply someone who exhibits a pattern of selfish, manipulative, and harmful behavior towards others. Divorce is rarely easy. However, when you are divorcing a narcissist or someone displaying narcissistic behaviors, the process can seem unbearable. Fortunately, there are resources and techniques that may help you get through a high-conflict divorce or stressful co-parenting relationship with a narcissist. One of these techniques is called the “grey rock” method.

Divorcing a Narcissist

Understandably, every divorce has some degree of contention. However, some divorcing spouses go out of their way to make the process as antagonistic as possible. They refuse to cooperate with even the smallest requests and say things to intentionally upset the other spouse. They may try to hide assets or lie about finances. Sometimes this behavior even escalates to abuse.

There is no perfect way to deal with a situation like this. Working with a strong divorce lawyer who will stand up for your rights is the first step. Your attorney will represent your best interests and advocate on your behalf. Additionally, you can try using the “grey rock method.”

How to Use the Grey Rock Method to Deal with a Narcissist

If you are divorcing someone who is manipulative, offensive, narcissistic, or aggressive, you may benefit from using the grey rock method. People like this often feed on conflict and drama. They do and say anything to get a rise out of the other person. When you use the grey rock method, you become just like a grey rock: non-reactive and boring. If the person says something upsetting or offensive, you do not get emotional and react to it. You communicate only need-to-know information or communicate through your lawyers. You use written communication such as text messages or emails to eliminate the chances of in-person conflict. Using written communication is also a great way to keep records of what was said. These records may be useful during your divorce and any future child custody proceedings or post-divorce modifications.

Of course, there is no way to eliminate the stress and frustration of divorcing a narcissist completely. However, the grey rock technique may help you keep your cool and avoid doing or saying things that negatively affect the divorce’s outcome.

Contact a Joliet Divorce Lawyer

High-conflict divorce comes with additional challenges. The Plainfield family law attorneys at Law Offices of Tedone and Morton, P.C. understand how to meet these challenges and provide the legal representation you need. Call our office at 815-666-1285 today for a free, confidential consultation.


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